And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
