Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
