I just threw up on my dentist
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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