you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
