Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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