Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
