No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
