I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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