She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
