After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Randomize
