Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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