note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
