Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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