i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
