Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
honey bunches of taint.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
