What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
