I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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