If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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