Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
