If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I am spending my child support on dildos
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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