I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Randomize
