Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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