My sheets look like a crime scene.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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