Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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