there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
