oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
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