booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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