he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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