Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
