I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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