No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Don't make out with my wife yet
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
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