You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
