Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
