i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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