K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
