I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
