Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
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