so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
