If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
