The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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