i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Come see our sink grown plant.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
