shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
