she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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