woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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