I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
