you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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