I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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