And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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