My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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