direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
