I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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