i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
