tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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