My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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