Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
OPIZZABONMYDICK
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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